A happy marriage is all about the intimate bond with physical, emotional and spiritual union of two people. While there is no theory which suggests how important being sexually involved is in a happy marriage but statistics indicate when you have a sex less marriage, it may eventually lead up to divorce or separation. Years back a sexless marriages were mainly to control the size of a family and there was little or no differences between partners.
Passionate marriages and companionate marriages are both successful and failures in their own details. There is no such thing as a success mantra for happy marriage. But for conventional school of marriage sex does form the most important part of matrimonial bliss. Emotional as well as physical expression of love is significant to keep your marital life happy, exciting and mesmerizing. But how about sexless marriages, let us learn some ways on how to deal with a sexless marriage and some tips to keep your marriage strong.
Top 15 tips on How to Survive a Sexless Marriage:
Surviving a sexless marriage is more about mental strength and courage than about anything else. While we all understand how important physical bond is for a marriage, but we all have had some dry spells when our otherwise passionate marriage turns into a sexless marriage for some time. It may be a temporary situation but if you are not patient then it may be difficult coping with a sexless marriage and eventually you may split. Find some ways to live in a sexless marriage and that too without any stress:
1. First and Foremost is To Talk and Connect With Your Partner As A Friend:
There maybe something which is worrying or some tensions at work place for your spouse, which you are unaware of. Months may have passed since you had sex, but there are no specific details laid out by either of you yet. So to break all shackles and talk candid is the most important step to finding what and why about sexless marriage. You must keep yourself cool and just discuss the possibilities which have led to your marriage becoming a sexless marriage
2. Check Out When Did You Have Sex the Last Time:
Remember when was the last time you experiences pure bliss of sexual climax and there was apparent passion and interest in each other. You may also remember the things that led to and the afterwards post consummation. Check if there was anything that went wrong or anyone of you felt bad or stressed about it, or if there is any marriage problem.
3. Check if There are Any Erectile Dysfunction:
Not being able to consummate and erectile dysfunctions are a big cause of men drifting away towards a sexless marriage. This may be a physiological condition but it gets emotionally stressing for the man. And not being able to carry it through the climax can be awkward and embarrassing for him to attempt sexual encounter again.
4. Don’t Feel Alone, There are Many, Sailing in the Same Boat:
The most important rule for coping with a sexless marriage is to be stable and not feel lonely. It is possible that you are not the reason, and you don’t need to blame yourself. By blaming you are just aggravating your situation and causing stress.
5. Did You Have a Child Recently:
Just after delivery the first few months are very challenging to find sexual desire and time to fulfill it in passionate ways. Children also are a big responsibility and they may be cranky and active when you or your partner wish to sneak out time along to share intimate moments together. Eventually the desire starts fading and a time comes when months have passed since you had sex but you continue to live as a married couple
6. Don’t Put Pressure on Yourself or Your Partner For Sex:
Sex is not just the only intimate bonding factor. More physical intimacy can be obtained with various other ways. Just try and keep your other gestures alive, which make you feel physically satiated. Cuddling, hugging, holding hands and just goofing around can be simply great for decreasing stress and also tension you have been put up with in the past few weeks, about your sexless marriage
7. Stop Discussing Your Sexual Life With Everyone Around:
The more you discuss with others the more it becomes a subject of contempt. The more it is analyzed the more you feel bad about your sexual life. As a mature individual, understand that only you or your partner can help in determining the causes and reasons for the same. Seek help from marriage counselors and therapists but do not make this a subject of gossip for others. This will only damage your relationship further
8. Be Honest With Your Partner:
Either one of you may have started avoiding sex but be honest and candid to why you feel what you feel and how you think your relationship must progress. Do not force him to be passionate and just give him time to get back to routine
9. Find Sneaking Moments and Try Hard to Spend More and More Time, Just the Two of You:
For every stage in a happy marriage the couples need to spend more and more time together. Each stage will have different tricks which work, like a date night, walk together, movie night, road trip, backpacking trip or simply a holiday at a romantic destination. Keep up your efforts if you believe you or your partner do not have any reasons and it just happened due to busy schedules and daily grind.
10. Pick a Hobby to Keep Yourself Busy:
You must allow some time before you or your partner get back to normal and meanwhile pick a great hobby. Anything that makes you happy and fulfilled creatively. This will keep your focus shifted for sometime and also help you cope up with the sexless marriage stress.
11. Is Either of You Having An Affair:
An extra marital affair is the biggest cause of sexless marriage. Maybe it’s time to find out if he is cheating on you. And if not then probably his sexual interests have shifted and he no more finds you sexually attractive
12. Pick Some Ways to Turn Him On:
Your usual style and look may be too monotonous for him to get turned on and he may not even find you attractive at all. So change your style, adopt some sensuous styling ways and doll up glamorously. Wear sexy lingerie and nightwear to help him take the lead
13. Listen and Watch Romantic Songs and Movies:
Also try and cuddle each other while watching romantic movies together, this helps in giving you the much needed passionate and intimate moments. Do not pull him into sex just be kind and compassionate. Take it slow and one at a time.
14. Do Not Put Pressure on Him to Perform:
Sex is not just conquering anyone. It is a union of heart, body and soul. It must be sacred and not just a challenge for him or you to execute. Enjoy the process rather than thinking about the outcome that much in your sexless marriage. Let him take his time and return back to normal.
15. Don’t Pick Any Addiction:
Drinking, smoking or pot is not a resolve for the situation. You must put yourself together and find causes and explanations rather taking stress. Stay off the stimulants and bring on your friendly side to help him cope up with his situation.
There can be situations when both of you dislike sexual marriage but are too close to quit. So for them a sexless marriage is a perfect answer. They may live like a happily ever after couple and never really feel the urge for sex again. But for other cases where desire just faded due to some specific reasons, you need to tackle the situation carefully. Remember all the above steps in what to do in a sexless marriage and do not just jump to conclusions. Give time and express your feelings also adopt some more ways to show affection physically not just by sex. And see a marriage counselor or sex therapist for more help
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