Divorce maybe the most painful ordeal for any woman, despite being in a wrong relationship or with the wrong man. Divorce can take the best of your happiness, strength and courage leaving you gloomy and hopeless. No matter how painful the marriage was, but the reality of being alone specially if you have kids too, is completely excruciating in terms of pain and heart break. We have compiled a few points on how to survive a divorce, to help you look ahead and move forward with some courage. Life may look dismal, and you tend to ignore meeting friends and family to avoid the mighty discussion on who did what or what went wrong.
Suddenly all the memories of togetherness and marriage seem to vanish and the only feeling that stays is sourness. You begin to feel guilty for putting yourself into a traumatic relationship and there are unavoidable bouts of depression. A divorce can not just break you into pieces but also make you lose self confidence too, so it is important to know how to survive your divorce and come out stronger than ever.
Divorce survival guide to help you survive divorce in positive ways:
Divorce is painful and heartbreaking, whatever be the reason for a divorce
1. First thing is to keep everything away, that reminds of him:
Organize your closet and remove everything that belongs to him or reminds of him. You need a fresh start and the space must be all yours. Do not hold on to hopes of having him back in life for the decision is already made. Hope against hopes will only shatter you more so first important task you must take up is to organize your home with just the stuff you need
2. Talk to your kids about your plans and ideas ahead:
You may have to discuss with your kids about how you would take all the responsibilities further and if there are any co-parenting clauses, be sure to state them too. Listen to what your kids have to say and give them utmost priority, remember they are undergoing the same pain as you do.
3. Organize your finances:
This is a very important and challenging task. You must sit down with your financial planners and see how to go ahead. You may have alimony too but you need to check every bit of detail for yourself. Try and be realistic in your financial planning. Make sure to have a thorough detailing done, keep aside your investments and savings, and plan for ahead. You may not have had due roles in family finances while being married, but now on it will be a very important role for you.
4. Give yourself sometime to mourn too:
It is important to let go off the emotions and feelings you may have held for long. It is fine to mourn but just not stretch it too long. You must keep yourself strong and try to accept the fact that divorce has happened already. Venting it out will help in bringing you back on track with courage and strength
5. Surround yourself with positive and helpful people:
Do not meet those people who would make a mockery of you in this trying time. Only keep yourself amid the people who make you happy and are supportive. This is the most critical time in your life and you must have optimistic people around you who are your true well wishers.
6. Do not skip your daily routine:
Sleep on time and wake up on time, do not delay or skip any important part of your schedule. This will help in keeping the rhythm going in your life. You have to accept that everything else will be right from now on and you can not let your timetable go for a toss. The more you keep the random factor in your life, the difficult it gets to sail through this divorce
7. Exercise and keep yourself fit:
It is very important to keep your fitness routine intact, rather add more workouts to your routine and pick biking, running or any other rigorous tasks too. This will help in bringing a positive energy in your life. Also keeping you fit too
8. See a therapist if need be:
Mental illness and depression is very common, and it is extremely important to take help, do not worry about the therapy just go ahead and book an appointment. You have to come out strong and lead a life you wish for yourself. Thus you need to be well and healthy
9. Don’t yet look out for another partner:
You may feel a gap in terms having a spouse, and rushing through relations look like an easy way out. But this is not the time and you may not be ready for another relationship yet. Give yourself some time and do not stretch it. Everything happens when the right time comes, and this is not the time to search a prospect.
10. Let go off, all what makes you think of him:
Remove your photographs, albums and playlists from your living space. Let it go, you do not need those items which remind you of him. He is out of your life now, and you can not live in dreams. Come to reality and accept it. Let the sour feelings go, and forgive. The more easily you forgive the easier it is to move ahead.
11. Don’t isolate yourself:
You feel low and you feel like a failure, but this is just a phase. You must not confine yourself and isolate from others. This is not your fault and stop blaming anyone else for the divorce. This wasn’t meant to be so this happened. But there is no reason for you to keep yourself away from your friends and family.
12. Skip the rebound relationship:
A rebound relationship may look like the easiest way out but this is just a bad idea for now. You have been through a lot lately, you can’t afford to lose it all. Any fling or passing affair may make the situation worse. So first things first, organize and plan your life and then think of relationship after you have settled in and are ready emotionally.
13. Do not meet your ex within the first few months of divorce:
Even if you have agreed to co-parent, avoid interacting with him alone, just keep your kids or lawyers around. And do not call him to discuss about the divorce as it has already happened. You must be strong for yourself, and set an example for your kids by not getting into any blame game or pleading. Just be civil in your interactions and don’t show him down with your kids around
14. Think of good times more than the bad times:
Past is gone and there is nothing you can do about it now. Rather than thinking about the bad times just look at the good times you spent with your ex. Keep those good memories with you and do not keep the hatred and jealousy stir pain in you
15. Join a meet-up group for rehabilitating yourself:
It is easy to share your grief and feel less in terms of pain and suffering. Join some groups which have recently separated or divorced members. It is good to share your story and seek help from the group. You would feel refreshed after attending such meetings
The above write up on How to survive a divorce, is to help you get over your traumatic situation and come out stronger than ever. Divorce is just a phase, though it may look like a complete standstill in your life, just remember, “you have a full life ahead, and you either can hold on to the pain and suffering or come out stronger and more determined to lead a better life”
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